Sunday, May 19, 2024
State d'Xmastime (WAIT HOW'D IT TAKE ME 34,204 POSTS TO COME UP WITH THAT GREAT TITLE?!?!?!?! 😡😡😡😡
I tell Karl to always bet on the three-legged dog; why else would he be running? - Dave Pirner, Soul Asylum
Usually I’m comforted by the vastness of the Universe rendering my very being literally meaningless, but then sometimes I can’t help but wonder if maybe I really am the center of the Universe; why else would I even be here?
Me When I'm Trying to Sneak In Seconds of the COSTCO Free Samples
— The Inbetweeners (@InbetweenerVidz) May 19, 2024
Xmastime 16 Years Ago Today
Yeah sorry but WEIGHTFUCKERS is still a great idea.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Diet Plan
Watching Oprah (this is yoooooooooour life, Xmastime!!!) right now I see that while they were doing The Mary Tyler Moore Show (sliiiiiiice) Cloris Leachman had a bet with Ed Asner that if he lost 30 lbs, she'd sleep with him. What the fuck - where's MY arrangement like that!! Camon, ladies!! It's for my health!!!! Volunteer!!!
Wouldn't that be a great business? "Weightfuckers" - you sign up for like $100/month or whatever, and every time you hit a goal they send a woman to fuck you. Seriously, is this not fucking genius? You wanna a healthier, slimmer nation? Here's the way.
Speaking of AI...
SIDE NOTE: don't forget we've already fucking blown this once in the last 100 years. 😡
Oh, I'll Tell You EXACTLY What's Happening...
...let the record show that using the oven to warm up the frozen chicken was NOT Rerun's first idea. 😬
See If You Can Spot the New Xmastime Folksy Saying!
Oh HELL No
*if anybody wants a to make a "yeah, because black people can't swim so they won't catch you" joke here then I swear to god I will pull this goddam Internet over right fucking now.
Well, Well, Well.
AI Deez Nuts
I may be a little biased as ever since AI started becoming a real thing it seemed like for some reason the first thing people were thrilled about was vanquishing all writers, so it's kind of a little refreshing to read that maybe it's not the be-all end-all (yet, anyway) here:
But now, a year later, the question isn’t really whether A.I. is too smart and will take over the world. It’s whether A.I. is too stupid and unreliable to be useful. Consider this week’s announcement from OpenAI’s chief executive, Sam Altman, who promised he would unveil “new stuff” that “feels like magic to me.” But it was just a rather routine update that makes ChatGPT cheaper and faster.
It feels like another sign that A.I. is not even close to living up to its hype. In my eyes, it’s looking less like an all-powerful being and more like a bad intern whose work is so unreliable that it’s often easier to do the task yourself. A.I. could end up like the Roomba, the mediocre vacuum robot that does a passable job when you are home alone but not if you are expecting guests.
I can 100% vouch for what this person's saying, based on my own experience at work:
I find that when I use A.I., I have to spend almost as much time correcting and revising its output as it would have taken me to do the work myself."But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “weren't you the lone genius who tried to warn us to not panic about China all the way back in 2010?"
Sigh. Yes I was, faithful reader
Yesterday while a guest on The David Magee Show I made an offhand remark re: us being terrified of China somehow taking over America via buying Google that went something like "China just bought it's first KFC three years ago; they're not buying Google tomorrow."
So of course my Chinatown Bus breaks down on the way back to NYC and we sit on the side of the highway for three hours. Why?
Ran out of gas.
Hmm.
On one hand, I feel the Universe spanked me a little. On the other, I feel our incessant demand to panic about what an amazing machine of monstrous efficiency China is needs to end. Turns out they might be as dumb as we are.
The Quickness with Which the Supreme Court Has Become a Joke
Some of it's due to the surprising vacuity of John Roberts & the unleashing of Citizens United, but one thing that will be looked back on once we're finally out of the daily Trump Fog will be how shockingly quick the Supreme Court went from being the last unassailable thing in the land to just another pile of trash igniting the worst in everybody. Besides seating a curiously high number of judges for a single-term president and having those 3 just sitting there in robes waiting for him to order them to eat dog food off the floor for his own amusement and Clarence Thomas' record-setting corruption, Justice Alito has joined his colleague Thomas in having a wife who has no problem brazenly showing themselves to be very much in the Trump camp. Obviously it's not quite that simple, but how quickly it's all crumbled from being an aspirational place of absolute reverence to now partly owes itself to Trump's magic touch of enabling everybody to be the absolute shittiest versions of themselves, all while knowing there will of course be zero consequences for any shit they do.
A Note on The Cosby Show
Saturday, May 18, 2024
Depressing du Jour
The Cosby Show Thoughts. I Have Them.
Theo never got enough credit for his comedic influence on Frank Drebbin's umpiring work in The Naked Gun.
One Sentence! 🤗
Questions. I Have Them.
Friday, May 17, 2024
🥲🥲🤗🤗🎸🎸 du Jour
Longtime Xmastime buddy Serge on watching his son's class play a song he wrote:
When Henry’s band played Round Eye Blues it was probably the single best musical moment I have ever had in my life. But it occurred to me that all I could possibly do was let this all wash over me. All of it. In real time. Knowing that for almost anyone else alive, this would appear to be one thing, but for me: it was something else entirely.
I held the notes in my hands, the bass and the piano. I took my son’s guitar chords and I made a popcorn necklace, put it around my neck. I sat shrinking down into my seat, trying to not let on too much what joy I was experiencing. I grinned and tapped my fat dirty Wolverines and I might have played some air guitar, which is the only kind of guitar I seem to play anymore. I listened to the edited lyrics of the song I wrote long ago and it made me smile. Henry told me later that he had re-written all the necessary changes.
One line went from “Over by my windowsill the moon was still on my cigarettes and wine” to “Over by my windowsill the moon was still on my water and chocolate.”
I was overcome with electrical jubilation.
I was lifted, rejoiced, and carried around the halls of the hotel after party like the last of the prom kings.
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